Thankfully most people don't vote

From the opinion page of some rag in Ohio:

http://www.coshoctontribune.com/news/stories/20040430/opinion/327316.html
"I would like to suggest an idea I've had. "
"It is the law, that child support be paid...People are not afraid to break this law"
"What if the lawbreaker was made to work for the city, or government, and during their jail sentence, child support was being taken out?"
"They would be made to work, pay child support, and be deprived of their freedom."
" Each time the child support payer loses a job, quits one, or even gets laid off, that person would automatically be put in this program"
-April Caley

Well April, it turns out this nation fought a civil war to end slavery. Your billiant "idea" amounts to making it legal again.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=slavery&db=*
definition of slavery...
1: the state of being under the control of another person [syn: bondage, thrall, thralldom, thraldom]
3: work done under harsh conditions for little or no pay

Hey April, here is another definition for you..

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=Moron&db=*
mo·ron ( P ) Pronunciation Key (môrn, mr-)n.
1.A stupid person; a dolt.
2.Psychology. A person of mild mental retardation having a mental age of from 7 to 12 years and generally having communication and social skills enabling some degree of academic or vocational education. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.

Nice shootin' tex!

(April 9 2004) A DEA agent made quite an impression on a group of children when he accidentally shot himself during a gun saftey presentation.

Perhaps the agent was suffering from RSW(Reuben Sandwich Withdrawl) syndrome.

Let The Games Begin!

Interesting article on gaming. If you know what a "rocket jump" is you will probably appreciate this one.

Search on http://www.reason.com
"Free Play
The politics of the video game
Kevin Parker"
http://www.reason.com/0404/fe.kp.free.shtml

Smile and say cheese!

(USA Today) The town of Manalapan Florida is installing a camera system that will record photos of all cars and drivers passing through. The system will automatically check the tag on each car against computerized "watch" lists maintained by law enforcement agencies. Police Chief Clay Walker dismissed privacy and constitutional concerns: "If you don't have anything to hide you have nothing to fear. I invite everyone within driving distance to visit the Manalapan Police Benefit next Friday. For $25 dollars you get a Reuben sandwich, fries, coke and an opportunity to express your gratitude to the men and women in law enforcement."

Pyramid schemes

Allegations are coming out of Iraq that a number of US soldiers working at a prison mistreated Iraqi prisoners. The soldiers are accused of "stacking" naked prisoners in a pyramid, taking pictures of naked prisoners posed in simulated sex acts and threatening the prisoners with electrocution. Amazingly the US Army has been forthcoming with information and the accused soldiers are being held in Iraq for court martial.

It just wouldn't be right to weave a Reuben into a post on a topic this sick.

ISU students buckle under pressure

(AP, Ames Iowa) Iowa State University has threatened to end the 82 year old "Veishea" celebration after a riot which included party goers setting fires, pulling down street lights, smashing store fronts, throwing beer bottles and "mooning" the cops. The trouble started when police cracked heads at a private off campus party forcing several hundred guests onto the streets.

The 26,000 students at ISU have responded to the University's ultimatum by vowing to "clean up their act" and to "put an end to bing drinking and late night parties". Off the record some students hoped "panty raids" would still be allowed.

Perhaps the cops and the students should talk out their differences over a beer and a Reuben.

Recipe: Reuben from "Guiness-Braised Beef Brisket"

Recipe from: http://tiedyefor.blogspot.com/

Guiness-Braised Beef Brisket
Lora Brody
Cooking Light March 2003

2 c water
1 c chopped onion
1 c chopped carrot
1 c chopped celery
1 c Guiness stout
2/3 c packed brown sugar
1/4 c tomato paste
1/4 c chopped fresh dill or 1 Tb dried
1 14.5 oz can low salt beef broth
6 black peppercorns
2 whole cloves
1 3 lb cured corned beef brisket, trimmed

Combine everything but the brisket in a large slow cooker, stirring until well
blended. Top with beef. Cover and cook on HIGH 8 hours or until beef is tender.
Remove beef, cut diagonally across the grain into 1/4 inch slices. Discard broth
mixture.

6 3 oz servings
Per serving: calories 226 (39% from fat); fat 9.7g (sat 3.2g, mono 4.7g, poly
.4g); protein 17.9g; carb 15.2g; fiber .9g; chol 87mg; iron 2.2 mg; sodium
1,105mg; calc 28mg)

NOTES: Tender from gentle cooking, this entree is a classic preparation made
without the visual pot watching. Serve it with grainy, coarse grained mustard.
Use the leftovers in a classic Reuben sandwich, sliced with thousand island
dressing, swiss cheese and sauerkraut on sourdough, rye or pumpernickel bread.

Stickes & Stones will set you free

Apparently about 20% of Bolivia is now a "Federal Government" free zone.

"The police won't return to this village in the Andes unless the peasants promise not to throw rocks at them."

These people are on to something. Sort of a libertarian ring to it. Wonder if this would work with the IRS...

Perhaps the Feds were hoarding the Reuben sandwiches?

http://www.reason.com
search on "Aymara Indians", "Bolivia", "uprising"

James Madison's ghost

James Madison's ancestral home is being renovated at a cost of $30 million. The 244 year old mansion sits on 2,700 acres of land 90 miles outside of Washington D.C..

"We want to bring his presence back,"
Montpelier Foundation President
Michael Quinn said. "We want you to
walk in the house and think he's still
living in there." - http://www.cnn.com/2004/TRAVEL/DESTINATIONS/04/26/montpelier.restoration.ap/index.html

Mean while former President Jimmy Carter hosted an "all you can eat" dinner at a local VFW to raise money for habitat for humanity, an organization dedicated to constructing shelter for the homeless. Reports are the dinner cost $25 and featured tasty Reuben sandwiches.

OPEC throws in the towel

OPEC leaders signaled the organization is being dissolved in the face of a new technology that promises to produce electricity from human waste. Researchers in the US are excited about the possibility of turning the seemingly limitless supply of #2 into the #1 energy source of the world. A Saudi prince put it this way "shit in one hand, pump oil with the other and see which one fills up first".

Search on "Microbial Fuel Cell" or visit http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/04/26/1082831478217.html

Mars Society Promotes Human Colony

The Mars Society is generating interest in the idea of a human colony on the red planet by using demonstration projects built in the most remote and inhospitable corners of the Earth. "We think giving people a true feel for what it might be like to live on Mars will get them excited about the possibilities" said one researcher at the Mars Desert Research Station in Utah. "I mean look at this place... who wouldn't want to raise a family in this environment" added another researcher as she gestured at the surrounding barren red soil baking in 120F stagnant air under a full frontal attack by a blazing sun. "Just think about how little rain this place gets, then consider it hasn't rained on Mars for millions of years....." she added just before stopping to yank the helmet off her space suit. "Damn it! Another defective oxygen bottle! Hey Reuben, when you go into town pick me up some spares, ok?"

http://www.marssociety.org/

Billy Joel regrets career

BAYVILLE, N.Y. (AP) American Icon Billy Joel is hiding in Bayville, NY after realizing his entire catalog sucks. The alleged "singer/song writer" has donated all his assets to charity in an 11th hour bid to wash his hands of the whole affair. News of Mr. Joel's location came to light after a traffic accident he was involved in while delivering a Reuben pizza for Alice's restaurant. "Sorry about driving over those lawns and into those houses but you would not believe the pressure we are under to get these pies delivered. I'm just an innocent man trying to make a buck and put his life back together."

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/wire/ny-bc-ny--billyjoel-caracci0425apr25,0,1281053,print.story?coll=ny-ap-regional-wire

Abortion Foes Endure Temporary Truce

(DC) Over the weekend protesters on both sides of the abortion debate observed a temporary truce as word spread among the crowds of the tasty Reuben dinner special at a local eatery. Fearing violence or at least harsh words the manager of the eatery divided the restaurant's twenty tables into PRO and CON sections, established a generous neutral zone between the groups and posted staff members at regular intervals to monitor the situation. Eye witness and food server Jimmy B. reported an uncomfortable silence as the two groups stared down the other over heaping plates of corn beef & saurkraut. "I guess they must have liked the sandwiches cause they were to busy feeding their faces to rant and rave. Come to think of it, I think that was the only time all day those people shut their freaking pie holes."

Reuben sparks rebellion in Fallujah

(AP) Latest reports out of Iraq are that the 20,000 plus private security forces in that country are being paid overtime by McDonalds corporation to enforce the company's multi national patent on the Reuben sandwich (see RSR reports starting in early April). Apparently the private guns hired by CA contractors to guard critical infrastructure and government offices are now spending their evenings and weekends raiding Iraqi businesses accused of selling Reuben sandwiches without paying McDonalds royalties. There are reports that US Marines who have sealed off the city of Fallujah are not allowing any materials into the city which could be used in the production of Reuben sandwiches. Insiders say McDonalds hopes to establish a precedent in Iraq that can be used to strengthen its patent in other jurisdictions. The company already faces court challenges to its patent including a possible review by the US 9th circuit. Allegations are being made by European based consumer advocates that US multinationals are involved in a conspiracy to corner the market on the Reuben sandwich. The CA, the US military and officials at the White House are refusing to comment pending the outcome of an investigation of what some unnamed sources are already calling "Reuben Gate".

RSR first reported this story in early April 2004.

Interesting twist on the Reuben

From RunnerDuck Recipes, check their site
http://www.runnerduck.com/ruben_ring.htm

REUBEN SANDWICH RING

2 Tablespoons Poppy Seeds
1 Package of Hot Roll Mix
1 Egg
3/4 Cup Hot Water
1 Tablespoon Parsley Flakes
3/4 teaspoon Garlic Salt
1/4 Cup Chopped Onion
1/2 Cup Mayonnaise
3 Tablespoons Chili Sauce or Catsup
1 Tablespoon Relish
1/8 teaspoon Garlic Salt
12 oz. Can Corned Beef
8 oz. Sauerkraut (rinsed and drained)
1 Cup Shredded Swiss Cheese

Grease a round Bunt pan.
Sprinkle with Poppy Seeds
In a bowl, dissolve the yeast from the roll mix in the hot water.
Stir in Parsley, 3/4 teaspoon Garlic Salt, Onion and Egg.
Add the Hot Roll Mix and blend.
Cover with plastic wrap and let rise 30 - 45 minutes.
Kneed for 1 - 2 minutes then roll out to 15" x 12".
Combine Mayonnaise, Chili Sauce, Relish and 1/8 teaspoon Garlic Salt.
Spread on dough to within 1" of the edge.
Sprinkle with Corned Beef then Sauerkraut and then Swiss Cheese.
Roll up into a roll and pinch the edges to seal.
Place the sealed edge down in the bunt pan, cover and let rise for 45-50 minutes.
Bake at 350 degrees F for 40 - 45 minutes.
Let cool in the pan for 5 minutes and serve.

McDonalds patent on Reuben challenged in court

(AP) Early in April 2004 RSR reported that McDonalds corporation filed patents on the Reuben sandwich. In fact patents are being filed in the US, EU and several Asian markets. Since the announcement the company has been pressuring Reuben producers throughout the world to pay royalties on the order of 0.10 dollars (American) on each sandwich sold. Consumer reaction has been muted however unnamed sources with deep ties to the Reuben community report coalitions are being formed and resistance to strong arm tactics by McDonalds is growing. US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has vehemently denied American forces in Iraq are enforcing McDonalds patent rights and that the recent unrest in Fallujah and Najaf is being fueled by what radical cleric Muqtada al-Sadr has called "the infidels unjust tax on Iraqi Reubens". The US 9th circuit has been asked to intervene.

More on this developing story...

KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid

Basic Reuben Sandwich:

- 2 slices swiss cheese
- 4oz deli thin sliced corn beef
- 2 slices dark rye bread
- Saurkraut

Grease pan with butter, place pan on low-medium heat, place sandwhich in pan, put lid on pan. Wait for cheese to start melting, remove lid. Flip sandwhich at least once. Serve with thousand island dressing on side.

When was the last time you had a Reuben sandwich?

Back when I was a kid if we wanted a Reuben sandwich we had to walk up hill both ways through a blinding snow storm with no boots or mittens. Think about that the next time you are complaining about your job, worrying about the economy, confused about the difficulty of finding WMDs or plotting midnight assaults on pot holes in your neighborhood.