![[No Pic For You!]](http://home.mchsi.com/~fly8/RSRpicoftheday.jpg)
This one will make you cry. Stupid kids.
TULSA, Oklahoma (AP) -- Six
puppies were killed, apparently by
fireworks placed in their mouths,
shortly after teenage boys were
seen carrying Roman candles in a
north Tulsa neighborhood.
Can't say it any better than Clive Thompson at Collision Detection .net. Part of his post below...
Clive Thompson -
"I'm very excited. The corpse flower, in case you don't know, is nature's single-most revolting plant. When one of these three-foot-tall beauties opens up, it gives off the scent of rotting flesh. The University of Connecticut has managed to cultivate one, the first example in the northeast in 60 years, and any day now it's due to open up."
RSR has no opinion on Sen. Peter Fitzgerald, but if this editorial is at least a bit accurate Americans should think again about voting for either major party. Unless of course you like pork.
"When Congress adjourns this year, Sen. Peter Fitzgerald (search),
R-Ill., will retire after just one term. He’s retiring because his own party
has turned on him and promised to run a primary candidate against
him. That’s because this particular senator decided that while he was in
office he’d be his own man and vote his own conscience. He wouldn’t be
a lackey for his party, he wouldn’t vote pork home to his state, and he
wouldn’t do what the special interests who run his party told him to
do. And that got him into trouble.
...
Fitzgerald’s crowning achievement in his brief career was his opposition
to the federalization of a planned expansion of Chicago’s O’Hare
International Airport (search).
...
He was the only
senator in the U.S. Congress to vote against the $15 billion airline bailout,
...
Fitzgerald then refused sign a letter written by the Illinois’ congressional
delegation to President Bush, which requested the White House’s help in
securing federal dollars (read: pork) for the state. Fitzgerald infuriated his
colleagues when he wrote in a reply, “the mere fact that a project is
located somewhere in Illinois does not mean that it is inherently
meritorious and necessarily worthy of support.”
- By Radley Balko, Fox News
Larry Dudley Hiibel lost his case before the US Supreme Court. Americans are now required to show their papers on demand. So much for the right to remain silent.
Hiibel's response to the Court's decision:
I don't have a superclear understanding of the Constitution. I'm not an attorney. I've never even read the whole thing. I went through only eighth grade. But I remember what I learned, and it seems to me that the whole idea of "your papers, please" goes completely against the grain of the American people.
As I understood it, the state was supposed to serve us - we aren't supposed to serve the state. Laws were supposed to protect the people against the government, not the other way around.
I'm very disappointed by this decision. I think a basic freedom has been lost. What bothers me the most is that my children and grandchildren are going to have to live with this law. It moves us a step closer to control of the people by the government, and I don't think that's a step forward.
Temper, temper Mr. Vice President! It turns out Dick "Halliburton" Cheney is losing patience with people who ask too many questions about his involvement is getting billions of dollars in contracts for his former employer. Recently on the Senate floor during a "frank exchange of views" the Vice President told Democratic Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont to "go F*** yourself!". Lucky for Dick the Senate was not offically in session, otherwise he might have been fined $50 for breaking Senate conduct rules.
What happened to 'zero tolerance' in the nation's schools? They will expel a student for possession of an aspirin but they do nothing to a kid who attacks a disabled class mate.
Collision Detection has a bunch of new posts including one about REALLY BIG TRUCKS.
A bill before congress called INDUCE may effectively ban an array of technologies from P2P to the VCR. Leave it to Washington to outlaw an obsolete product.
If there is any truth to this story Americans might want to shut their collective pie hole when it comes to critizing human rights abuses in other countries.
The whole story here.
http://www.aumag.org/viewfinder/leftMay04.html
based on the work of freelance reporter Liam Scheff...
Incarnation Children’s Center (ICC) is a Catholic-owned group home near Harlem—the city’s only group home exclusively for HIV-positive foster children...more than 100 ICC children were illegally used and abused in AIDS research...“When the children refuse the drugs, they’re force-fed. If the kids continue to refuse, they’re given a surgery to implant a plastic tube through their abdomen into their stomach. The drugs are then injected directly into their stomachs—no refusing.” Scheff alleged that several children had died as a result of treatment side effects.
Thanks again to the jack-off who brought the West Nile virus to North America.
The X-prize competition takes a step forward on Monday. SpaceShipOne should reach 62 miles, a record for a private manned mission.
Something is wrong with a country that puts women in prison for flashing their breasts.
Urinating in public can get you shot. Apparently cops in Cambodia take pissing on a garage seriously.
Police in Missouri are fond of posting signs for fake drug enforcement checkpoints. The idea is anyone who exits a freeway just before a fake checkpoint is obviously hiding something. Read all about it in a St. Louis River Front Times story.
A Marine sniper recently back from Iraq was shot while training Florida Fish & Wildlife agents how to "clear a room". Reason Magazine had this to say "Why do Fish and Wildlife agents need to develop military close-combat shooting skills?"
'I don't know if they are corrupting us or we're corrupting them,' one CPA official quipped.
Scientists are making atoms take a look in a quantum mirror to achieve results even Einstein called 'spooky'. The next time you are in a bar faced with a self proclaimed genius who insists on explaining why everything from teleportation to SDI is impossible ask him to explain 'quantum teleportation'. Chances are good he will change the subject to sports.
OPEC leaders signaled the organization is being dissolved in the face of a new technology that promises to produce electricity from human waste. Researchers in the US are excited about the possibility of turning the seemingly limitless supply of #2 into the #1 energy source of the world. A Saudi prince put it this way "shit in one hand, pump oil with the other and see which one fills up first".
Search on "Microbial Fuel Cell" or visit Microbial Fuel Cell
Two brothers with a reputation for drinking their friends under the table recently found out they each have 4 kidneys.
A long but fun story by an American who recently traveled to Libya. Reading about his experience should be enough to convince most people the desert isn't as much fun as one might imagine. Cuba sounds much more inviting. First Into Libya, in five parts.
Despite the ongoing global war on fun government researchers have confirmed that Americans are having fun in unprecedented numbers. This disturbing upward trend appears to be linked to the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol.
What do you get when you turn an entire continent over to convicts and their decendents? Mouse chewing contests.
Oh yeah, and you can register to vote at age 4.
But at least they have great health care... for dogs.
And they names streets after heavy metal bands AC/DC Lane
Just don't toss your cookies in public!
then they came for the 'mums'. Cafe owners in Australia are starting to ban armies of mothers and children. The owners say some large groups of mothers take up tables for hours, make a mess and spend almost nothing. Smokers will undoubtedly find this turn of events ironic given that 'saving the children' is a big part of the excuse given for banning smoking in public spaces.
Visit RSR Humor for more great jokes.
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make
you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then
the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and
I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of
you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers,
and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as
the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator
hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals,
unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again
and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell
over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A buxom young
blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head
with the beer bottle."
Physicists are getting a good laugh after reviewing the government's case against terror suspect Jose "Dirty Bomb" Padilla. The government says Padilla was plotting to blow up a uranium based dirty bomb in an American city. Experts who have reviewed the evidence in the case say radiation from uranium isn't dangerous and that both the government investigators and the terrorists are incompetent.
"I used a 20-pound brick of uranium as a doorstop in my office," American nuclear physicist Peter D. Zimmerman, of King's College in London, said to illustrate the point.
Around 27,000 pelicans have disappeared from their nesting grounds at Chase lake ND.
"It's like they packed up and left in the middle of the night - except they didn't pack up, they just left,"
No need for alarm... chances are the pelicans are spending a few days at North Dakota's new "Strip Mall Of America"(see The Onion, 4013 | 31 March 2004 | News).
German researchers have demonstrated that the average person is almost as smart as a dog.
In theory the US Army is staffed by volunteers, each of whom sign a contract with the government, serve for several years and are discharged on a specific date that is defined in their contract. Using an administrative trick also used in the first Gulf War the US Army has quitely reimplemented the "draft" by indefinately extending the enlistments of soldiers whose discharge dates have or will soon pass. These soldiers are "compeled", literally by men with guns and threats of prison, to remain in fox holes in Iraq and Afganistan. Like the soldiers of the vietnam era, these men and women have been drafted.
Just like daddy the current president does not have the courage to ask Congress for a formal draft. Instead each Bush has manned his war using administrative rules originally intended for use only in cases of extreme national crisis where there isn't time for Congress to act.
Army Stop Loss program
It may be just a rumor, however a few sites on the net are talking about bills in Congress that will start the draft in June of 2005. Allegedly the whole thing is being kept as quiet as possible through the elections in November. Apparently all young people age 18-26, including women, will be affected. Read all about it here. Post a comment if you have more information.
Another more reasonable article here.
Military Recruiters using tough love...
"Some kids say they were verbally abused by recruiters, who called them "fucking bums" and "worthless kids" when they refused to join up." "After I took their verbal abuse, they sent me out in the January cold with no ride home."
From Wired -
GarageBand.com -- a site that both hosts independent music and uses a peer-review process to identify hot bands -- is offering the Creative Commons Music Sharing License to
artists who want to distribute their tunes for free, the company said Monday.
A couple in England blew their life savings after both were diagnosed with life threatening conditions. Now that they are broke the doctors say they might be ok after all.
"When Chad Taylor noticed his son was apparently experiencing serious side effects from Ritalin prescribed for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, he decided to take the boy off the medication. Now, he says he may be accused of child abuse ... 'He was losing weight, wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating,' ... So Taylor took Daniel off Ritalin, against his doctor's wishes. And though Taylor noticed Daniel was sleeping better and his appetite had returned, ... 'The detective told me if I did not medicate my son, I would be arrested for child abuse and neglect,' Taylor said."
- story at abcnews.com
Residents of Des Moines, Iowa are locking their doors and living in fear as the level of violence rises on the streets of their city. Recently a man assaulted a Taco Bell clerk with a chalupa because he wasn't happy with his meal. Imagine what would have happened if he had been cut off in traffic!
These and other great jokes on the RSR Humor page. Check it out via the "links - internal" section on the left of this page!
---------------------
Three convicts were on their way to prison; a mobster, a drunk,
and a Texas Aggie. Each was allowed to take one item to help
pass the time while incarcerated. On the bus, the drunk guy
turned to the mobster and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The mobster pulled out a box of paints and explained that he
intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the da
Vinci of the prison system. Then he asked the drunk, "What did
you bring?"
He then pulled out a deck of cards, grinned and said, "I brought
cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of
games."
The Aggie was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The
other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did
you bring?"
Pulling out a box of tampons, he said with a smile, "I brought
these."
Puzzled, the other two convicts asked, "What can you do with
THOSE?"
Pointing to the box, he replied with a grin, "Well, according to
the box, I can go horseback-riding, swimming, roller-skating..."
Americans joined the world in breathing a collective sigh of relief at the news the federal government will close on Friday June 11. Most of the world's inhabitants have been so overcome with joy they have failed to notice the shutdown will last only one day. The good news is Al Qaida has also misinterpreted reports of the government shutdown and has issued a press release stating "we have achieved our primary objective and will disband immediately".
Research shows most Americans are willing to trade freedom & privacy for security. This comes as no suprise given that most Americans are willing to trade freedom & privacy for coupons worth $1 off bags of Dorritos.
In an effort to give the nation a more hip California style image the UK government is considering a total ban on smoking in public spaces.
Funny article in Reason Magazine.
"...Only a few months earlier, in January 2001, dozens of barbers in the capital city of Kabul had been rounded up by the Taliban’s hair-and-beard cops (the Ministry for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice) because they had been cutting men’s hair in a style known locally as the "Titanic." At the time, Kabul’s cooler young men wanted that Leonardo DiCaprio look, the one he sported in the movie. It was an interesting moment in fashion, because under the Taliban’s moral regime movies were illegal, Leonardo DiCaprio was illegal, and his hairdo, which allowed strands of hair to fall forward over the face during prayer, was a ticket to jail. Yet thanks to enterprising video smugglers who dragged cassettes over mountain trails by mule, urban Afghans knew perfectly well who DiCaprio was and what he looked like; not only did men adopt his style, but couples were then celebrating their weddings with Titanic-shaped cakes..."
The president is the only one who hasn't realized his ban on stem cell research is immoral and short sighted. What is he thinking? Even Nancy Reagan is against him.
A surprised Motion Picture Association of America announced that several people have been caught makeing video cam copies of the new movie "The Day After Tomorrow". An MPAA spokesperson said "We expect this sort of thing to happen when movies such as Lord Of the Rings or Star Wars are released, but not with really crappy films. Why anyone would go to the trouble when the movie will be out on DVD in a month for only $8 is beyond me."
Bored with the war on terror, cops in PA are getting back into their normal routine. "Quite frankly the war on terror isn't all it is cracked up to be. My officers were losing their edge so I decided to refocus their energy by using guerilla tactics to catch speeders."
Can't afford your dream home in the real world? Now you can buy virtual property in an online game called "Second Life". The best part is you even get to pay taxes on it!
"Women need men like fish need bicycles." Young Japanese women, who are opting out of marriage in droves, seem to have it figured out.
"Many young Japanese women live carefree lives, staying at home with their parents, paying little if any rent, letting their mothers cook their meals, clean their rooms and do their laundry. Many work dead-end jobs that don't pay much but don't cause much stress and give them enough spending money to buy designer handbags, shoes, clothes and jewelry and enough time to take overseas holidays with their girlfriends."
USA Today story
Sounds great! Where do I sign up?
Saga Dawa, the festival to commemorate Lord Buddha attaining 'mahaparinirvana(enlightenment)', will be celebrated on June 3, 2004.
This story is confusing, but goes something like this: man in Pakistan wants young girl, man can't get girl, man accuses girl's brother of dating man's daughter, villagers believe man's accusation and as restitution for alleged offense committed by girl's brother the man is allowed to rape both the girl he wanted in the first place and her sister in law who was not involved to begin with. Got it?
The town of Ilave, Peru is having trouble finding a new mayor after residents "beat their
mayor to death after accusing him of embezzling local funds".
A mother & son have been busted for trying to extort $500,000 from the Cracker Barrel resturant chain using the old "mouse in the soup" trick.
Brandon Hite of CHARLES TOWN, W.Va. has brought us all one step closer to judgement day with his discovery of a blue-eyed cicada. Cicadas usually have red eyes. Coupled with recent events in the middle east and unusual weather patterns in various parts of the world the discovery of this cicada is clearly a sign that the end of the world is near. Thanks a lot Brandon!
A woman in Norway wants a particular married man so bad she "signed books with a sexual content, sent letters and packages...called him at least 60 times and sent 1069 text messages".
Last Friday in the midst of implementing a makeover of the RSR main, Links and Humor pages Blogger.com stopped accepting template changes. The RSR staff would like to thank our loyal fans for enduring the past three days of confusion and reconstruction. Enjoy the new look and feel free to send donations to help support the web site and the staff!