IMAGE OF THE DAY

[No Pic For You!]

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

2004 game reviews

More outstanding game reviews on Something Awful.

"Though I am loathe to admit it, Vin Diesel's game was better than John Carmack's. All the same, puking on your shirt is better than shitting your pants and I would not recommend either."

"Half Life 2 - ...the game approximated something fun. For that I award it the coveted Least Shitty Game of the Year Award. "

"Pokemon Coloseum - Another phoned-in installment of a marketing franchise consumed mostly these days by troubled teens and idiot man-children. Will they finally release the console RPG that these failed abortions have been clamoring for or will the franchise finally take its well-deserved place amid the mothballed relics of a past age? I think you know which one I'm hoping for."


Not a game review, but funny...
"Do you enjoy laughing at people who probably got kicked in the head by horses as children? You're in luck! If you would be so kind as to click on this hyperlink, you will find that a marvelous bounty of stupidity awaits you. "

Pizza? anyone?

A funny review of what the world outside of Chicago and New York considers pizza. Below are a few choice quotes...

Worst pizza award...
"Japan is without a doubt the hive of unappetizing pizza choices. It is the yin to America's delicious pizza yang, the kryptonite to our deep dish Superman, and maybe even the salt to our delectable hand-tossed garden slug. Dear god. Tuna, mayonnaise, corn, mozzarella, and tomato sauce HAVE NO PLACE ON A PIZZA SIMULTANEOUSLY. It was all I could do not to throw up."

Kosher style...
"What I am about to say is so controversial, so racist and disgusting, that I fully expect to receive thousands of hate mails as well as a written threat from the JDL. Jews cannot make pizza. G-d bless them, they try pretty hard, and they do make things that look like pizza, but what they make is not pizza... Living in Chicago this was nothing short of a travesty. I have scraped better frozen pizza off the inside of a cadaver's intestine and that only cost whatever I paid for the taxi to the warehouse. While it is fun and relaxing to blame the Jews for everything, I have difficulty believing that they're really public enemy number one when it comes to pizza abortions."

California Style..
"Lastly, special shout-outs to the monsters perpetrating supposedly gourmet pizza on America's West Coast. You California Pizza Kitchen fucks wouldn't know good pizza if it lubed your prolapsed rectum with marinara and gave you a prison handshake. The next time you want to talk shit to NYC I'm letting you know that Chicago has got its back. That's right, I enjoy New York style pizza from time to time, but I never find myself craving some new age crystal Ben & Jerry Patchouli-smelling tofu and artichoke heart disc of shit. Go back to Berkeley and take your extra-large Birkenstock and hacky-sack flavored abomination with you."

Thursday, December 16, 2004

SomethingAwful.com

The Alien posted something from "somethingawful.com". Some of the video game and movie reviews are very funny.

One of the best video game reviews on the net:
Sims2 review
"I decided to set up shop in Veronaville. My logic was that it's good fun to murder various generic Sims in Pleasantville so it should be a whole lot more fun to kill characters from Shakespeare. I entered the gingerbread hamlet of Veronaville and set about the task of creating the family that I would be wedging between the Capulet and Montague clans."

In reference to a "Beta" version of someone's software:
"Just because you call something beta doesn't excuse it for being a pile of shit."
"Pain Level: Having a child's swingset shoved up your rectum and then ultimately the child."

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Lie by omission

The story
"In an appearance before Congress in February, when the controversy over Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl moment was at its height, Federal Communications Commission chairman Michael Powell laid some startling statistics on U.S. senators.
The number of indecency complaints had soared dramatically to more than 240,000 in the previous year, Powell said. The figure was up from roughly 14,000 in 2002, and from fewer than 350 in each of the two previous years. There was, Powell said, a dramatic rise in public concern and outrage about what is being broadcast into their homes.
What Powell did not reveal—apparently because he was unaware—was the source of the
complaints. According to a new FCC estimate obtained by Mediaweek, nearly all indecency complaints in 2003—99.8 percent—were filed by the Parents Television Council, an activist group. "

Friday, December 03, 2004

Define felony

From Reason.com... proposal to make trash-timing violations a felony

Timing Is Everything (12/2)
The Pickerington Ohio City Council considered a measure that critics said would have led to jail time for people who put their garbage out early. The ordinance was designed to bar people with Friday trash pickups from putting their garbage out before Thursday night, and require them to take their cans in by Friday night. In response to controversy over the measure, the City Council narrowly defeated the proposal to make trash-timing violations a felony; instead, violators will be fined $150.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Damn Skippy!

"Damn Skippy!" Ya got the boat!

Another definition from the Urban Dictionary...

1. coyote ugly

A situation encountered after a night of consuming alcohol whereby a person, usually male, wakes the next morning in a strange bed with a sexual partner from the previous evening who is completely physically undesirable (see ugly, nasty, two bagger) and sleeping on the man's arm. The hapless male would rather gnaw off his own arm than wake the woman and have to face the ills of his intoxicated choices the previous evening. Originating from a phenomena whereby a coyote captured in a jaw trap will chew off its own leg to escape certain death.

And another...
1. finding nemo

A male rite of passage; to locate the clitorus.

"Sally, my boyfriend's terrible in the sack."
"Betty, he's only 11- he's probably needs help finding nemo."